Wow Jenna, I really like where your storybook is going so far. Your method of writing is so dark and twisted. First off, and I know this is somewhat superficial but I love the way the tone of your story matches with the theme of your storybook project webpage. I've noticed that not all the other students have made that extra effort and I have to say it really sets the mood before you even read a word. Secondly, I like how you started off the story as the narrator is in the future retelling or reminiscing about past events that happened when she was younger. This technique makes it feel like you have more of an in either as a personal connection to the story teller or as seeing the past events through their eyes. The fact that Fox is so protective of Hawk is a nice touch because it shows that he had a softer side before he became the big hero everyone now knows as Wolf. I'm excited to see where you take this!
I really like the atmosphere of your storybook, you convey bleak with the colors and the photos and I think that is great! It really gets me excited and in the mood to read your stories! You had quite an introduction and I have to say that it is a good thing! It was like reading the beginning of a Dystopian book and I love that! The story is really well written and I think your dialogue is really good. The only thing I wish that I could read about are the details of the dystopian world that we are supposed to be a part of. Right now we are just getting the basics through the photos, but I think inserting more of your own ideas of the world would really help get a bigger picture of not only the environment, but how the characters are reacting to it. Can’t wait to read more!
You have a very interesting approach in your story. It is very descriptive and dark. The design of your site goes very well with the mood that you created in the introduction. My first impression of introduction is curiosity and confusion. You made many foreshadows and hints for the overall story line, but you are too vague, which made me confuse on what your story is about. Yet, the vagueness made the story very intriguing and mysterious. By the way, your description about the encounter with Oracle gave me chill. I hope you can clarify some parts in the introduction. Why the author and Rye have names like Fox and Hawk? How do they know about the Oracle? I confused in the part about “None of the kids… had much in the way of families.” Does it mean that they don’t have family or not having a good family? Overall, you did a great job in making an interesting introduction. I am looking forward to read the next story!
First off I love the layout, font and colors. You did a great job setting the scene for the readers. Oh, those pictures are so eerie it goes so well with your site. Maybe consider rephrasing the last sentence in the third paragraph in your intro. The beginning is a little hard to follow. I like the detail you use when you’re in first person. It really brings the story to life. I would maybe go back and try to break up some of your run-on sentences so they are easier to follow. I also really like the way you use dialog. There is a part when the oracle starts telling Rye his prophecy that doesn’t really make sense. Maybe go back and make sure that you wrote what was in your head! I like where the intro ended and the next story began. It is like a chapter in a book. Really great job creating an image in my head the entire time. You make these characters seem real. How intense! I loved reading these stories! Great job. I’ll be coming back to read more for sure.
Wow, Jenna this was an amazing story. I love that you are taking this from Beowolf and the simple changes that you make really make the story yours. In regards to your story I think your dialogue really sets it apart from the rest. Another part I enjoyed a lot was you descriptions of the future world you have created. A few things that came to my intention that could improve the story is: first, there were a few run-on sentences that I think you could break up to give the story a little bit better flow. Second, the story was easy to follow until about halfway through when you just skipped ahead to them agreeing to go with the Dane's. I don't think that followed the speed of the story and I understand it is hard to meet the amount of words criteria, but I think giving that a little more dialogue would be very helpful.
As always, it was absolutely a pleasure to read your work, and I will certainly be back for more. I know that we’re supposed to take notes while we read in order to give better feedback, so I did, but I didn’t like it one bit because it drew me out of the story which you had so deeply immersed me in. You use language wonderfully. I especially loved the way you described the city, with your adjectives like “skeletal”, “starving”, and “emaciated”, and your bloody description of the sunrise. It was beautifully done. I also enjoyed the way you totally changed the setting of the story, but still added enough hints to make it recognizable. At first I assumed it was some sort of Greek thing going on (and you still have those elements, with the Oracle and the demigod), but I liked how you followed Beowulf closely enough that I could guess your source before the author’s note. It was subtle and changed, but still there. I’ll definitely be back to finish your story!
I’m so glad I was given an opportunity to come back and read your story. I can’t recall if I just read your introduction last time or both. So, I’m just going to discuss “The Monster”. I love this sentence” …the sun had clawed its way high enough to turn the early sky into a bloodbath of red…” It conveys so much in such a small sentence and really gives a certain image in my mind. These are sentences that I live for in stories and yours is chalked full of them. I love that, great job! I don’t recall the telling of the Hallowing, so I went back to the introduction. There is no description there either. I’m assuming that is on par with the purge, but I’m not sure. Clarification would help a lot since it seems to be something very important to the overall feel, look and idea of the story. There seems to be a level of foreshadowing in your story and that is pure genius! Especially, in a dystopian setting, because that means you have a few tricks up your sleeve. As always, excellent work! P.s. I would have never thought this was a retelling of Beowulf, so thank you for describing the changes so well. I love Beowulf it’s amazing!
Jenna, Your coloring and photo on your opening page really set the tone. I was a bit confused when switching through pages and trying to get back to your cover page. You have your cover page titled as "by Jenna Morris" I didn't realize this was your cover page. Maybe change this to a titled?
I really liked the way you did your introduction. I couldn't tell what story you were basing it off of until I read your author's notes in your first story the monster. I almost felt like I was reading a fantasy novel! I couldn't stop reading! I would say maybe give us a little better hint that you are doing beowolf in the introduction. I know you are keep with the storytelling idea for the intro which I really like. It's a nice change for an introduction.
I cant wait to see what else you come up with. This is by far one of my favorite storybooks I have read in the class.
Your introduction was enough to get me hooked on your Storybook! I like how the introduction itself serves as a mini story itself setting up the whole idea of a dystopian society with some sort of mysticism and science fiction elements. You writing style is so great. It really hooks the reader and (for me at least) not want to stop.
Your first story is really fun to read. I did not notice any grammar errors in my read through. I honestly tore through it, I was so excited to see what would happen to Rye and when his fortune would come true. I also love how you are telling the story in the perspective of Fox even though Rye is the main protagonist.
I am excited to read your subsequent stories in your Storybook. Your theme and the stories that you are drawing from a unique and diverse. I am sure that your stories throughout the rest of the semester will be really exciting and fun to read!
Your story is really gripping and I love where you're going with it. The description was awesome. I was really drawn in with things like the matted blood in their hair, falling like a sack of bricks, etc. It all makes it really worth investing some time in reading and I can't wait to see what you do with the other chapters.
The Oracle is a really good addition. I wasn't really sure where you were going with it in the introduction but it was a cool addition. Now I'm really spooked if she's forcasting this character's death and she's been right the whole time. Is she going to show back up or are we only going to see her through her prophecy?
The twists you made on this were great. I love how you modernized and interpreted the original scene to make this your own. The scales was a neat idea. Maybe I wanted just a little bit more description of where they lived though? I found myself a little confused as to what their surroundings really looked like. I might just need to reread it though.
Jenna, Your story is fascinating and you do an excellent job of setting it up not only in the introduction but also in the look of your blog. Really nice job. You've also created a real page turner as I found myself wishing the complete story were already up so I could find out what happened to Rye. Minor suggestions would be to read through and clarify some instances in your story, it got a little convoluted at times and difficult to follow. I also would be interested in hearing more about the Howlling. Why does it take place and just how does it work? Also, is there a reason Rye is special? Or is it just his destiny. I know we have a word limit but it might be cool to include how Fox got her name since you kind of elude to it in the second story. All in all your storybook is amazing and I really look forward to reading more.
Jenna, Right off the bat I'm captivated by your introduction. You are an extremely talented writer, and you obviously know what you are doing. I love the Oracle as a divine sort of figure, and I love the idea of relating character traits to animals. I'm already hooked. In The Monster, I really like the different factions, like neighboring kingdoms, and they have to unite to stop the monster. Way to leave it on a cliffhanger, too! I was already concerned to find out what happened to Amos, given that he had survived the Oracle's prediction. I can see the striking similarities to Beowulf, and I think you did a great job of adapting that epic to your new story. Then I was floored when Amos actually died in the next story. You do an excellent job of building tension, and I really like how you interrupt the buildup with sudden action sequences. You are a really talented storyteller, and I look forward to reading more of your work! Thorpe
Your site theme is great! You can already tell that your story is going to be dark or take place in a dark time and it really sets the mood for the reader.
The introduction's opening lines really caught my attention. You can tell what the story is going to be about and how it's going to be an interesting contradiction because of a personal connection, which we're going to experience first-hand.
Wow, I feel like I'm reading the next great young-adult novel. Your prose is really great! The cliffhanger at the end of "The Monster" was really solid, too.
Good flashback to give more detail in the world and the characters' background. And again, wow. This story is just so good! You tied it back to the Oracle's original prediction, which you made me think was wrong just like the characters did. Again, ending with a cliffhanger is such a good strategy, I'm glad you stuck with it to keep the tension.
As always, great job, Jenna. I sooo want to know how this turns out. You keep reminding me of the Percy Jackson series. That was a great twist you came up with, making “before the red moon” mean something different than time. I also appreciate the fact that you made Amos so distinctly unlikeable before killing him off. Thank you for being nice to your readers in that way. You’re also doing a great job of character development in the short amount of space you have. The transition from Hawk to Wolf was well done, felt natural, and conveyed obvious meaning. I’m also left wanting to know more about Fox’s name and why it’s so appropriate. Furthermore, your author’s notes have been very interesting. I love being able to read about your thought process, and which elements of the original tale you’re trying to pull or why you change certain parts. I’m definitely going to be back to finish this one!
I really love when I come back to your story, there is something that is uniquely your own. You twist and turn Beowulf so much it’s nearly unrecognizable (at least until you get to the Author’s Note). As I’m sure I have said before that takes talent and creativity. In Eclipse the continuation of the story hits a high dramatic note, much like the Epic poem. I really like the inclusion of supernatural abilities I think it plays into your own interests. Anytime, a writer can do that it makes it easier for them to not only write, but the reader to get into the right mindset. There is nothing negative I can say about Eclipse; the fight scene and death were really well done. I only wish to feel the death of Amos because I feel like his death is the start of something very important in your Storybook. I know it sounds corny, but that is really the only advice I feel like I can give at this moment.
I think your introduction does a really good job creating a pull to read more. Who doesn’t want to solve a secret mystery? The design of your blog is really great. It goes perfectly with your stories and creates an eerie effect when I was reading it. You do a really good job setting the scene and creating an image in the reader’s mind. I also like how you use italics in the dialog. It makes the words really jump off the page. The images you use also help the story flow so well, you did a really great job with imagery! Your stories flow so well I feel like I’m flipping pages in a book and not scrolling through a blog. This is all really really good. I can tell you put a lot of effort into this project. Back to the dialog, I also like how you used words in a way that sounds like they’re speaking and not like they’re writing it down themselves. Overall, you did a great job. Good luck on the rest of the semester!
I think your introductory picture to your storybook is very fitting for your title. I also think that the web layout and color scheme is a good choice for the feel of your book.
I LOVED your introduction. It introduced the book incredibly well and left me captivated. I was intrigued to hear what more you had to say about this hero that wasn’t all that much of a hero.
You write with such attention to detail and a great grasp on what written imagery should be. I throughly enjoyed your stories and I’m looking forward to coming back and reading the last two-part ending.
I think your introduction is a great start to what I soon realized is a great story. It had a sense of mystery that pulled the reader in but still gave enough information so the reader was not left out in the dark. As far as the layout of your storybook, I was thoroughly impressed, you took time to create an entire mood to your pages which set the reader in the right head space throughout. Kudos to your images especially, they kind of reminded me of a twisted tim burton visual book. I have to say you are a wonderfully descriptive writer, which took the burden of the reader to do all the imagining. I also like how you use italics in the dialogue. It is just a little tool but helps so much when you are the one reading it. And the actual dialogue itself was just a rich and helpful in getting to know the characters throughout each story update. I honestly feel like you could publish this as a short story and it would do well! I really enjoyed the work you've done so far and Great job!
Wow Jenna, I really like where your storybook is going so far. Your method of writing is so dark and twisted. First off, and I know this is somewhat superficial but I love the way the tone of your story matches with the theme of your storybook project webpage. I've noticed that not all the other students have made that extra effort and I have to say it really sets the mood before you even read a word. Secondly, I like how you started off the story as the narrator is in the future retelling or reminiscing about past events that happened when she was younger. This technique makes it feel like you have more of an in either as a personal connection to the story teller or as seeing the past events through their eyes. The fact that Fox is so protective of Hawk is a nice touch because it shows that he had a softer side before he became the big hero everyone now knows as Wolf. I'm excited to see where you take this!
ReplyDeleteI really like the atmosphere of your storybook, you convey bleak with the colors and the photos and I think that is great! It really gets me excited and in the mood to read your stories! You had quite an introduction and I have to say that it is a good thing! It was like reading the beginning of a Dystopian book and I love that! The story is really well written and I think your dialogue is really good.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I wish that I could read about are the details of the dystopian world that we are supposed to be a part of. Right now we are just getting the basics through the photos, but I think inserting more of your own ideas of the world would really help get a bigger picture of not only the environment, but how the characters are reacting to it. Can’t wait to read more!
You have a very interesting approach in your story. It is very descriptive and dark. The design of your site goes very well with the mood that you created in the introduction. My first impression of introduction is curiosity and confusion. You made many foreshadows and hints for the overall story line, but you are too vague, which made me confuse on what your story is about. Yet, the vagueness made the story very intriguing and mysterious. By the way, your description about the encounter with Oracle gave me chill. I hope you can clarify some parts in the introduction. Why the author and Rye have names like Fox and Hawk? How do they know about the Oracle? I confused in the part about “None of the kids… had much in the way of families.” Does it mean that they don’t have family or not having a good family? Overall, you did a great job in making an interesting introduction. I am looking forward to read the next story!
ReplyDeleteFirst off I love the layout, font and colors. You did a great job setting the scene for the readers. Oh, those pictures are so eerie it goes so well with your site. Maybe consider rephrasing the last sentence in the third paragraph in your intro. The beginning is a little hard to follow. I like the detail you use when you’re in first person. It really brings the story to life. I would maybe go back and try to break up some of your run-on sentences so they are easier to follow. I also really like the way you use dialog. There is a part when the oracle starts telling Rye his prophecy that doesn’t really make sense. Maybe go back and make sure that you wrote what was in your head! I like where the intro ended and the next story began. It is like a chapter in a book. Really great job creating an image in my head the entire time. You make these characters seem real. How intense! I loved reading these stories! Great job. I’ll be coming back to read more for sure.
ReplyDeleteWow, Jenna this was an amazing story. I love that you are taking this from Beowolf and the simple changes that you make really make the story yours. In regards to your story I think your dialogue really sets it apart from the rest. Another part I enjoyed a lot was you descriptions of the future world you have created. A few things that came to my intention that could improve the story is: first, there were a few run-on sentences that I think you could break up to give the story a little bit better flow. Second, the story was easy to follow until about halfway through when you just skipped ahead to them agreeing to go with the Dane's. I don't think that followed the speed of the story and I understand it is hard to meet the amount of words criteria, but I think giving that a little more dialogue would be very helpful.
ReplyDeleteAs always, it was absolutely a pleasure to read your work, and I will certainly be back for more. I know that we’re supposed to take notes while we read in order to give better feedback, so I did, but I didn’t like it one bit because it drew me out of the story which you had so deeply immersed me in. You use language wonderfully. I especially loved the way you described the city, with your adjectives like “skeletal”, “starving”, and “emaciated”, and your bloody description of the sunrise. It was beautifully done.
ReplyDeleteI also enjoyed the way you totally changed the setting of the story, but still added enough hints to make it recognizable. At first I assumed it was some sort of Greek thing going on (and you still have those elements, with the Oracle and the demigod), but I liked how you followed Beowulf closely enough that I could guess your source before the author’s note. It was subtle and changed, but still there.
I’ll definitely be back to finish your story!
I’m so glad I was given an opportunity to come back and read your story. I can’t recall if I just read your introduction last time or both. So, I’m just going to discuss “The Monster”.
ReplyDeleteI love this sentence” …the sun had clawed its way high enough to turn the early sky into a bloodbath of red…” It conveys so much in such a small sentence and really gives a certain image in my mind. These are sentences that I live for in stories and yours is chalked full of them. I love that, great job! I don’t recall the telling of the Hallowing, so I went back to the introduction. There is no description there either. I’m assuming that is on par with the purge, but I’m not sure. Clarification would help a lot since it seems to be something very important to the overall feel, look and idea of the story. There seems to be a level of foreshadowing in your story and that is pure genius! Especially, in a dystopian setting, because that means you have a few tricks up your sleeve.
As always, excellent work!
P.s. I would have never thought this was a retelling of Beowulf, so thank you for describing the changes so well. I love Beowulf it’s amazing!
Jenna,
ReplyDeleteYour coloring and photo on your opening page really set the tone. I was a bit confused when switching through pages and trying to get back to your cover page. You have your cover page titled as "by Jenna Morris" I didn't realize this was your cover page. Maybe change this to a titled?
I really liked the way you did your introduction. I couldn't tell what story you were basing it off of until I read your author's notes in your first story the monster. I almost felt like I was reading a fantasy novel! I couldn't stop reading! I would say maybe give us a little better hint that you are doing beowolf in the introduction. I know you are keep with the storytelling idea for the intro which I really like. It's a nice change for an introduction.
I cant wait to see what else you come up with. This is by far one of my favorite storybooks I have read in the class.
Oh man Jenna.
ReplyDeleteYour introduction was enough to get me hooked on your Storybook! I like how the introduction itself serves as a mini story itself setting up the whole idea of a dystopian society with some sort of mysticism and science fiction elements. You writing style is so great. It really hooks the reader and (for me at least) not want to stop.
Your first story is really fun to read. I did not notice any grammar errors in my read through. I honestly tore through it, I was so excited to see what would happen to Rye and when his fortune would come true. I also love how you are telling the story in the perspective of Fox even though Rye is the main protagonist.
I am excited to read your subsequent stories in your Storybook. Your theme and the stories that you are drawing from a unique and diverse. I am sure that your stories throughout the rest of the semester will be really exciting and fun to read!
Your story is really gripping and I love where you're going with it. The description was awesome. I was really drawn in with things like the matted blood in their hair, falling like a sack of bricks, etc. It all makes it really worth investing some time in reading and I can't wait to see what you do with the other chapters.
ReplyDeleteThe Oracle is a really good addition. I wasn't really sure where you were going with it in the introduction but it was a cool addition. Now I'm really spooked if she's forcasting this character's death and she's been right the whole time. Is she going to show back up or are we only going to see her through her prophecy?
The twists you made on this were great. I love how you modernized and interpreted the original scene to make this your own. The scales was a neat idea. Maybe I wanted just a little bit more description of where they lived though? I found myself a little confused as to what their surroundings really looked like. I might just need to reread it though.
Jenna,
ReplyDeleteYour story is fascinating and you do an excellent job of setting it up not only in the introduction but also in the look of your blog. Really nice job. You've also created a real page turner as I found myself wishing the complete story were already up so I could find out what happened to Rye.
Minor suggestions would be to read through and clarify some instances in your story, it got a little convoluted at times and difficult to follow.
I also would be interested in hearing more about the Howlling. Why does it take place and just how does it work?
Also, is there a reason Rye is special? Or is it just his destiny.
I know we have a word limit but it might be cool to include how Fox got her name since you kind of elude to it in the second story.
All in all your storybook is amazing and I really look forward to reading more.
Jenna,
ReplyDeleteRight off the bat I'm captivated by your introduction. You are an extremely talented writer, and you obviously know what you are doing. I love the Oracle as a divine sort of figure, and I love the idea of relating character traits to animals. I'm already hooked. In The Monster, I really like the different factions, like neighboring kingdoms, and they have to unite to stop the monster. Way to leave it on a cliffhanger, too! I was already concerned to find out what happened to Amos, given that he had survived the Oracle's prediction. I can see the striking similarities to Beowulf, and I think you did a great job of adapting that epic to your new story. Then I was floored when Amos actually died in the next story. You do an excellent job of building tension, and I really like how you interrupt the buildup with sudden action sequences. You are a really talented storyteller, and I look forward to reading more of your work!
Thorpe
Your site theme is great! You can already tell that your story is going to be dark or take place in a dark time and it really sets the mood for the reader.
ReplyDeleteThe introduction's opening lines really caught my attention. You can tell what the story is going to be about and how it's going to be an interesting contradiction because of a personal connection, which we're going to experience first-hand.
Wow, I feel like I'm reading the next great young-adult novel. Your prose is really great! The cliffhanger at the end of "The Monster" was really solid, too.
Good flashback to give more detail in the world and the characters' background. And again, wow. This story is just so good! You tied it back to the Oracle's original prediction, which you made me think was wrong just like the characters did. Again, ending with a cliffhanger is such a good strategy, I'm glad you stuck with it to keep the tension.
Great job on this!
As always, great job, Jenna. I sooo want to know how this turns out. You keep reminding me of the Percy Jackson series.
ReplyDeleteThat was a great twist you came up with, making “before the red moon” mean something different than time. I also appreciate the fact that you made Amos so distinctly unlikeable before killing him off. Thank you for being nice to your readers in that way.
You’re also doing a great job of character development in the short amount of space you have. The transition from Hawk to Wolf was well done, felt natural, and conveyed obvious meaning. I’m also left wanting to know more about Fox’s name and why it’s so appropriate.
Furthermore, your author’s notes have been very interesting. I love being able to read about your thought process, and which elements of the original tale you’re trying to pull or why you change certain parts.
I’m definitely going to be back to finish this one!
I really love when I come back to your story, there is something that is uniquely your own. You twist and turn Beowulf so much it’s nearly unrecognizable (at least until you get to the Author’s Note). As I’m sure I have said before that takes talent and creativity. In Eclipse the continuation of the story hits a high dramatic note, much like the Epic poem. I really like the inclusion of supernatural abilities I think it plays into your own interests. Anytime, a writer can do that it makes it easier for them to not only write, but the reader to get into the right mindset. There is nothing negative I can say about Eclipse; the fight scene and death were really well done. I only wish to feel the death of Amos because I feel like his death is the start of something very important in your Storybook. I know it sounds corny, but that is really the only advice I feel like I can give at this moment.
ReplyDeleteI think your introduction does a really good job creating a pull to read more. Who doesn’t want to solve a secret mystery? The design of your blog is really great. It goes perfectly with your stories and creates an eerie effect when I was reading it. You do a really good job setting the scene and creating an image in the reader’s mind. I also like how you use italics in the dialog. It makes the words really jump off the page. The images you use also help the story flow so well, you did a really great job with imagery! Your stories flow so well I feel like I’m flipping pages in a book and not scrolling through a blog. This is all really really good. I can tell you put a lot of effort into this project. Back to the dialog, I also like how you used words in a way that sounds like they’re speaking and not like they’re writing it down themselves. Overall, you did a great job. Good luck on the rest of the semester!
ReplyDeleteJenna,
ReplyDeleteI think your introductory picture to your storybook is very fitting for your title. I also think that the web layout and color scheme is a good choice for the feel of your book.
I LOVED your introduction. It introduced the book incredibly well and left me captivated. I was intrigued to hear what more you had to say about this hero that wasn’t all that much of a hero.
You write with such attention to detail and a great grasp on what written imagery should be. I throughly enjoyed your stories and I’m looking forward to coming back and reading the last two-part ending.
Great job!
Hi Jenna,
ReplyDeleteI think your introduction is a great start to what I soon realized is a great story. It had a sense of mystery that pulled the reader in but still gave enough information so the reader was not left out in the dark. As far as the layout of your storybook, I was thoroughly impressed, you took time to create an entire mood to your pages which set the reader in the right head space throughout. Kudos to your images especially, they kind of reminded me of a twisted tim burton visual book. I have to say you are a wonderfully descriptive writer, which took the burden of the reader to do all the imagining. I also like how you use italics in the dialogue. It is just a little tool but helps so much when you are the one reading it. And the actual dialogue itself was just a rich and helpful in getting to know the characters throughout each story update. I honestly feel like you could publish this as a short story and it would do well! I really enjoyed the work you've done so far and Great job!
Belle
شركة مكافحة حشرات بالطائف بيت العز 0559522795
ReplyDeleteشركة مكافحة حشرات بالطائف قادره على القيام باعمال المكافحة والقضاء على اى نوع من الحشرات بالاعتماد على احدث الالات والماكينات التى تقوم بالوصول الى اصعب الاماكن التى من الممكن ان يتواجد بيها الحشرات
شركة رش مبيدات بالطائف
شركة مكافحة النمل الابيض بالطائف
شركة مكافحة الفئران بالطائف
مكافحة الفئران بالطائف
http://beit-alezz.com/%D8%B4%D8%B1%D9%83%D8%A9-%D9%85%D9%83%D8%A7%D9%81%D8%AD%D8%A9-%D8%AD%D8%B4%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%AA-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%B7%D8%A7%D8%A6%D9%81/